Thursday, March 29, 2012
Where's Deloney?
Is he out trying to weigh the wind? Or did he fall into a tar pit and become a living statue, sustained by Greeks who throw bits of souvlaki into his mouth as they bouzouki down the Danforth?
Monday, March 12, 2012
Kitchen renovation
Day 24 of learning cost to install extra outlet in kitchen is $1500, due to need to run wires through finished basement up to kitchen.
Day 24 of abandoning dream of installing extra outlet in kitchen and having convenient place to plug in kettle.
Day 14 of kitchen contents scattered around house.
Day 9 of life without kitchen sink.
Day 9 of feeling creepy that plumber who removed kitchen sink took magazine from stairway leading to bedroom into bathroom where said magazine was found in bathroom sink.
Day 8 of suspecting electrician is gay, mainly based on eye wear and fact he loves cats.
Day 8 of wondering whether contractor, a self-confessed redneck—which suspected all along based on appearance and fact he hates cats—suspects same, thus explaining seeming antagonism between the two.
Day 8 of epiphany: am massively prone to stereotyping.
Day 5 since insisted contractor vent range hood to outside. Contractor responded by cutting massive hole in masonry wall causing house's energy efficiency rating to plummet dramatically and replacing existing 2-inch diameter ABS pipe usually installed for plumbing lines but creatively employed as ducting for former range hood with 5 1/2” aluminium tubing that looks suitable for handling jet exhaust from Boeing 747.
Day 4 of awareness that have an attic space; knew about hatch at back of closet but never imagined it went anywhere. Suspect would never have discovered Narnia even if wardrobe had been in room for 10 years.
Day 4 of lamenting lack of imagination.
Day 4 of imagining will develop debilitating lung disease from inhaling crud that resides in attic space.
Day 3 of no hot water. Not part of kitchen renovation, but suspect casualty of electrical work done on Friday when electrician sent apprentice into cruddy attic space due to discovery that kitchen ceiling is insulated and potlights would have to be installed from above at great extra expense to me.
Day 2 of kitchen contractor's one-week golf holiday, leaving kitchen renovation in state of suspended animation.
Day 1 of pointing out to electrician that part forgotten when installing range hood. Vehemently denied, until faced with evidence. Suspect will throw out part when returns to supposedly install it.
Day 0 of idea for new business: inject homeowners whose houses are undergoing renovation with drug that puts them in state of suspended animation until renovation is complete.
Day 24 of abandoning dream of installing extra outlet in kitchen and having convenient place to plug in kettle.
Day 14 of kitchen contents scattered around house.
Day 9 of life without kitchen sink.
Day 9 of feeling creepy that plumber who removed kitchen sink took magazine from stairway leading to bedroom into bathroom where said magazine was found in bathroom sink.
Day 8 of suspecting electrician is gay, mainly based on eye wear and fact he loves cats.
Day 8 of wondering whether contractor, a self-confessed redneck—which suspected all along based on appearance and fact he hates cats—suspects same, thus explaining seeming antagonism between the two.
Day 8 of epiphany: am massively prone to stereotyping.
Day 5 since insisted contractor vent range hood to outside. Contractor responded by cutting massive hole in masonry wall causing house's energy efficiency rating to plummet dramatically and replacing existing 2-inch diameter ABS pipe usually installed for plumbing lines but creatively employed as ducting for former range hood with 5 1/2” aluminium tubing that looks suitable for handling jet exhaust from Boeing 747.
Day 4 of awareness that have an attic space; knew about hatch at back of closet but never imagined it went anywhere. Suspect would never have discovered Narnia even if wardrobe had been in room for 10 years.
Day 4 of lamenting lack of imagination.
Day 4 of imagining will develop debilitating lung disease from inhaling crud that resides in attic space.
Day 3 of no hot water. Not part of kitchen renovation, but suspect casualty of electrical work done on Friday when electrician sent apprentice into cruddy attic space due to discovery that kitchen ceiling is insulated and potlights would have to be installed from above at great extra expense to me.
Day 2 of kitchen contractor's one-week golf holiday, leaving kitchen renovation in state of suspended animation.
Day 1 of pointing out to electrician that part forgotten when installing range hood. Vehemently denied, until faced with evidence. Suspect will throw out part when returns to supposedly install it.
Day 0 of idea for new business: inject homeowners whose houses are undergoing renovation with drug that puts them in state of suspended animation until renovation is complete.
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