What to do when you're writing a villanelle and can't think of five words that rhyme with oyster

Oh, you'll go far with that glorious hair;
and those pearly whites, the world's your oyster!
But beware: androgenic alopecia* isn't that rare.

Words you'll deliver with sublime dare,
Whispering sweet nothings like mize and goister.
Oh, you'll go far with that glorious hair.

There'll be parties and offers and loads of fanfare.
Let down your hair, prepare to roister!
But beware: androgenic alopecia isn't that rare.

You'll whirl and swirl, a passionate pair.
But on the lonely hearts club you'll eventually foist her.
Oh, you'll go far with that glorious hair.

Your pad will be a groovy lair.
For you no retreat into a cloister!
But beware: androgenic alopecia isn't that rare.

Your clothes, mon cher, sont très debonair.
Your skin, your lips, could not be moister.
Oh, you'll go far with that glorious hair;
But beware: androgenic alopecia isn't that rare.


*Male pattern baldness

What rhymes with oyster?

The other day, when I realized I actually had time to read a book, I pulled out my wallet and started going through scraps of paper on which are written the titles of books that have piqued my interest. In amongst the torn and rumpled bits of paper with faded writing, I saw a purple pamphlet titled “Kingston Frontenanc Public Library best of 2007.” I looked at the titles listed in the fiction section, and then checked the poetry section. The Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the Poet Within by Stephen Fry caught my eye, mainly because of Stephen Fry. I made a note to get it at the library.

My nephew Niles (not his real name, as I'm sure he would insist on having you know) is turning 15 next month. I wasn't going to get him anything for his birthday, since I had already given him a gift certificate for scuba diving lessons as a combined Christmas and birthday present. But I've decided to get The Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the Poet Within for Niles. I'm not sure he has any desire to unlock his inner poet, since he seems more interested in writing short stories. But he likes Stephen Fry, the jacket cover has an amusing picture of Fry with a Donald Trump-like combover, and learning about clerihews, ghazals and pantoums will imbue Niles with a snooty air of superiority (which would be particularly befitting if his name really was Niles).

In honour of his birthday, I am trying to write Niles -- who has a head of hair Donald Trump and possibly even Stephen Fry would kill for -- a villanelle. I've only done the first verse:

Oh, you'll go far with that glorious hair;
and those pearly whites, the world's your oyster!
But beware: male pattern baldness isn't that rare.

For those of you who don't know what a villanelle is, it follows this pattern:

A1bA2 abA1 abA2 abA1 abA2 abA1A2

Which means that I have to find five words that rhyme with oyster. There's cloister, roister, moister, and foist her. But I need another one. Any ideas?

The road less travelled

From Berlin, via The Toronto Star, comes this sizzling tale of passion dampened by adult practicality.

Two young German sweethearts trying to elope to Africa were thwarted by police at the train station in Hanover. The couple, 7-year-old Anna-Lena and 6-year-old Mika, had planned their getaway with Anna-Lena's 5-year-old sister Anna-Bell while their parents slept off New Year's Eve celebrations. With suitcases packed with sunglasses, swimsuits, summer clothes, stuffed toys and some food, the trio took a streetcar to the central station to board a train to the airport. A guard, concerned to see the three young children waiting on their own, called police. "What struck us was that the little ones were completely on their own and that they had lots of swimming gear with them," said Holger Jureczko, a police spokesperson. He described Mika and Anna-Lena as "sweethearts" who had "decided to get married in Africa where it is warm." The boy had once been to Italy and convinced the girl that Africa would be even warmer. Anna-Lena told the German television station RTL: "We wanted to get married and so we just thought: 'Let's go there.' "Asked why they failed to let their parents know, the children said they thought they would not be gone for long.

Anna-Lena's mother, who was not identified, said she had known nothing of the plan. "I'm still in a state of shock. I thought, 'I'm playing a part in a bad movie.' " The police told the trio it would be difficult to get to Africa without money or tickets and instead gave them a tour of the police station before handing them over to their parents.

Now, if it were me eloping to Africa, I would first have to: get my legs waxed; check to make sure that my passport hadn't expired; get shots for tetanus, diptheria, hepatitis every-letter-of-the-alphabet, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, rabies, typhoid and meningococcal meningitis; do research to find out how to avoid ebola, cholera, dengue fever, sleeping sickness, tuberculosis and schistosomiasis ; find out which countries are experiencing civil war; read The Lonely Planet Guide to Africa; figure out where to stay each night; figure out where the closest coffee shop is to all accommodation; buy a mosquito net; arrange lunch with friends to gloat; find someone to feed the cats; get a haircut; buy a book to read on the plane; arrange time off work; watch Out of Africa; read up on Jane Goodall; find out where the best bonobo-sightings are; buy anti-malaria prophylactics; buy a digital camera; learn how to use digital camera; figure out whether anyone uses traveller's cheques anymore, and if so, get some; if not, figure out how to pay for things; stock up on sunscreen and small bottles/tubes of shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, dental floss, face cleanser, toner, body lotion, and calamine lotion; and find a hat that looks fashionable, provides sun protection for the entire face and neck, and can withstand cramped conditions for 24 hours or more.

I would then look at the list, become overwhelmed, and decide it would be easier just to hop in the car and go to Ottawa or Toronto instead.

It's no wonder the road to wonder is less travelled by adults. It's full of twists, turns, diversions, and obstacles of all sorts. For children, on the other hand, the route is direct. And that's what makes them so wonderful.