Beware of falling uteri

In search of some diversion at work on Friday afternoon, I went to talk to, oh, let's call her Dee, and Maureen, who, contrary to her photo, is not a frumpy pretentious busybody. Did you know your uterus can fall out? Dee threw out as a conversation starter. Maureen and I got a bit hysterical, an appropriate reaction when discussing uteri (particularly falling ones). It's true, Dee insisted, my sister told me. (Dee is the person whose aunt and uncle told her that their daughter graduated from the Disney University with a law degree. I think Dee should carry around a salt shaker so that she can ingest a teaspoon at every utterance her relatives make.) Oh, you mean a prolapsed uterus, said Maureen, when she had finally recovered enough to speak coherently. Usually I find medical terminology rather offputting, but in this case a prolapsed uterus sounded much less worrisome than the thought of having to check at the Lost and Found for a wayward uterus. Or needing to put an ad in the local newspaper: Lost sometime on Sunday Feb. 1 on Princess Street, one ageing uterus. Sentimental value, reward offered. We started discussing options like a uterus sling or an internal alarm that would sense uterine movement and start beeping when a fall was impending, giving the wearer time to flip into a handstand to avoid embarrassment. Maureen was laughing so much I think it caused her uterus to slip a bit, and she left the room to discreetly check that it hadn't fallen out. Meanwhile I, having found my sought-after diversion, tottered back to my office, thighs squeezed tightly together.